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Backrooms

by Anthony Ruptak

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    Artwork and design by Angela Rose.
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1.
Backrooms 04:46
We've come a long way From where we were Roaming in the hallways Of the empty church Waiting for mom To punch the clock The softness of the carpets Beneath our socks Under the stairwell Our little faces lit up in the electric glare Of the Oregon Trail Heaven or hell Choose your own adventure Are we still there Shooting the buffaloes dead I was driving ninety Out to your house Cause you were drunk and starving You said you wanted out Picking at your fingers Looked like you'd seen a ghost Hanging sheets and blankets A stranger in your home Under a blue veil Our little synapses firing Postictal shell Of your former self Heaven or hell We never left the backrooms Are we still there Shooting the buffaloes dead
2.
Clementines 03:48
3.
Grace 04:17
4.
Angel Song 04:03
Our small procession laid your little body down Upon the tailgate Bowing by the weight that you were hauling around Oh what the words weighed And I've been terrified To try to tie a line To any memory of the times We fought the spinning inside our sewn together minds I called you Angel in the breech Of any guardian watching me Into the fugue and through the drinks My kidneys in the kitchen sink You never said a word to no one My constitution's probably gonna let you down I'll make the big change And take another swing living above ground I'll set a new stage And I've been riding on That final morphine high Since we went sailing through that night Whispering "Thank you, baby, No more pain now. It's alright" I called you Angel and took you home Subjected you to rock and roll We barked at our immortal souls And forced down both our separate bowls And you never said a word Though you always seemed so sure Of something Hey, don't you let it get you down You'll be missing how this all shakes out You're running with the big dogs now
5.
I was drowning myself inside a crystal coffin Filled with rotgut and my white-boy tears I felt bat-shit crazed whenever out of my haze And I lived like that for seventeen years I got the IV flowing to my bloodstream Glowing in the magic of my newfound love And we were fighting a war inside that suburban horror Like those draftee docs in Korea And I was reading Bukowski like the King James Bible Thinking "This is who I wanna become." And I was shipping the daylight on an Ambien rail line In an effort to erase what I was And we drank to forget and then we drank to forgive And the practice made us perfect enough But when I closed my eyes and it was bedlam inside We always ended up awash in the flood How have you been coping with everything I heard you cut your hair real short I don't blame you for anything I hope you're doing well It was the turning against the self When he was holding me down and really letting it out Screaming some two-thousand year old verse Regarding "Honor Thy Father", drove the wedge even further I was getting some of what I deserved And it would cut me the deepest, man, when we would go at it And you'd tell me I was acting like him I didn't wanna believe it, so I'd fuck up your being And then I'd promise not to do it again And again Remember the time that we flew out to Las Vegas With a baggie of some mystery drugs And we spent the whole time just tripping out of the window Sorted some of what was eating us up But then when we got back home and drove in different directions We both started feeling scary alone And from the darkest of origins, little joys that we foraged Left us weeping by the sides of the road I still feel your hurting, like everything Time can't heal all these wounds I see you in my dreams, I'm learning I kept you in a cell But now you're doing it by yourself
6.
When I sit down I try to taper the rule and try to write it all out This radio town Has been rubbing us raw Are we settling now Bite the cord and spit We've got to let it in It's "Us" and "We" and "Them" Don't let the bastards win Think I'm coming down With a ten-dollar fever And a case of the clouts But if you stick around There's a waterfall waiting At the end of the route Bite the cord and spit We've got to let it in It's "Us" and "We" and "Them" Don't let the bastards win We've been feeling our favor Living the goddamned dream And still, we stare at the fire Like it's a movie screen Well would you look at us now Crying like babies as we figure us out We've got boots on the ground In this war of redemption and crippling doubt Rite the col to end The people we have been It's "Us" and "We" and "Them" Don't let the bastards win Don't let the bastards win.
7.
Angie 06:41
Angie, you wrote me To thank me for playing your party You were raising some money To bring the woods to the kids in the city To bring some good to the poor and the needy I carried it with me Started trying to be be kind to my memory To distinguish the shadows that held me You told me I was special Man, that really stuck Put my heart to the paddles Tried to give it a jump And the boarded up sub-basement rooms started stirring At your voice as you dismantled all my defenses On the corner of Leetsdale and Forest On your birthday in Wyoming Trading tunes with a band of coyotes The bears came as the light waned If we died, well we would've died happy Holding tight, uncontrollably spinning Made a deal with the earth and her glory Made a map just by never pretending Angie, you know me Better now than most everybody You saved me, now I'm changing Never thought I would wanna get married Gave up on finding some kind of delivery Never dreamed I would get your mom's blessing But that smile back in Camp Id-Ra-Ha-Je Caught my lens, saw the circle completing You're the marrow of every good thing And I need you forever, completely I will never abandon you, darling Cause you're the beginning, the middle, and the ending You told me I was special Man, that really stuck
8.
Cataracts 04:43
9.
I'm a floating in the grand canyon, heron and sandstone without a single care, well we've found ourselves a hole Just a-pissin' in the water, maybe we are dead after all A cloudy head of spines, a blade of vishnu spire, a heart of granite doom O-oo oo oo oo, whistlin down the water (x2) I'm a-ridin' in a rubber ducky with my camera and my PFD Just a-punchin' through the sick-nasty, got a picture at the grannery I think this year will be the one that goes down in history A complicated mind, eroding over time, the womb of the Hopi (and we wonder why we just don't stay here) O-oo oo oo oo, whistlin down the water (x2) I'm a-watchin' how the sun shines against the tectonic sheets She's a-wounded by a long life, but sturdy in her seams I'm a-broken by a bystander, hooved and humble, she's a wastelander A smoky liquid sky, alujah adoni, pure again in your tether O-oo oo oo oo, whistlin down the water O-oo oo oo oo, the great forgiver and forgetter I'm a-wakin' by the moon shearing by the sail of an empty stream Bound in flight and set on re-sealing all our cracks and dreams and leaks I wonder always of our great failure to withhold our reverence for our claim-stakers We're always asking why, Detura valentine, a rowdy lot of risk-takers O-oo oo oo oo, whistlin down the water (x2) I've been working on perfection, baptisms always come in threes A holy-water blood transfusion from the well of ancient you and me I'm a-listenin' to the busy chatter of the ring-tailed bandits and the song of Saturn We're deafened by our plight, ignoring warning signs, the siren on the sea, singin' O-oo oo oo oo, whistlin down the water (x2) I smell the burning of a forest fire from the world up above the rim It's a-blockin out the stars, carried on the passage of the wind The whirlybird is looking for survivors, maybe last night's lightning was the big red button A selfish little life, a spotty alibi, forgotten how to be human O-oo oo oo oo, whistlin down the water O-oo oo oo oo, whistlin down the water I've been turning on a dime and you are throwing in a rope Worry slowing to a grind, heartache turning in to black-hills gold Travelin' through time, reaching through the cosmic telephone Tiptoe through the crypto, Little Colorado, polished shale and bone (the lava knows we're never really through it) O-oo oo oo oo, whistlin down the water O-oo oo oo oo, the echo of the seekers O-oo oo oo oo, just a-screaming toward the future O-oo oo oo oo, whistling down the water

about

Backrooms was recorded in the winter of 2021 in a small a-frame cabin in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. This lyrically-driven album is a personal account of a songwriter's shift into sobriety, learning to cope with loss and trauma, and learning to live in love and healing. This is a record of decay and renewal.

credits

released April 7, 2022

Written and composed by Anthony Ruptak.
Vocals and instruments by Anthony Ruptak.
Drums and percussion by Matt Tanner.
Recorded and engineered at Accordion Ranch in Jefferson, CO.
Mixed by Matt Tanner at Glory Bird Studio in Broomfield, CO.
Mastered by Mark Anderson at Glory Bird Studio in Broomfield, CO.
Album art by Angela Rose Bakas.

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Anthony Ruptak Denver, Colorado

Anthony Ruptak is a Colorado-based musician who writes and performs his original work with a simple mission: to explore the effects of the human condition. His music ranges from vulnerable acoustic performances to raucous and maximalist multi-instrumental experiences, with his intricate lyrics always at the forefront. Ruptak has been performing in Denver for over 15 years. ... more

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